I began keeping a journal of my Bible time when I started college as a way for me to process what I was reading. From time to time I find myself looking back on those entries. I recently began reading through a journal I started in 2010 while working through a change in a ministry I was part of. I had no idea then that the things God was speaking into my heart would end up being precisely the words I would need to hear four years later after my entire world crumbled. I’ve chosen to share some of those reflections here in hopes that they may somehow encourage someone else who is going through their own time of heartbreak or upheaval.
The apostle Paul begins his letter to the church at Ephesus by showing us the direction of genuine praise: at the Lord’s feet, and why we can place it there. Unlike any time from the garden to the Crucifixion, we have direct access to the Father through His Son Jesus Christ, and through Christ we have received every spiritual (eternal) blessing that can be bestowed, meaning we have a gift that cannot be taken from us regardless of what the circumstances in our lives may seem to indicate. And yet how often is my focus limited to the struggle of the here and now? I’ve been so frustrated by fighting to gain and hold onto things that continually slip through my grip, and I get angry when I don’t see the fruit from my efforts. It’s becoming clear that it’s time to redirect my gaze. It’s been too self-centered and I’m tired of feeling empty regardless of the things people say about me.
It’s hard for me to see the full picture, to comprehend what it is You have in store for my life. I know that Your only desire for me is to seek You and know You. To find my happiness in You, not in the things I think will please You. This is what You designed me for and I continually forget that in the midst of the busyness that is my life.
I’ve been worn out for a while now, but You are offering me a rest that I’ve been ignoring. Help me today to find my security in Your gifts, not in my efforts; to rest knowing You have a plan that You will continue to reveal as the time is right.